Sunday, November 09, 2008

School is ON

Right. So school started in September and since then I've been kind of busy.
Assessments are coming up and I've decided to not worry about the perennial diet until afterwards - otherwise the whole thing is just too much pressure all in one.

It's good fun though and I've met some very nice people and made a great friend. I've done open day tours, discovered UCAS and generally faffed about with regards to what to do next. I think it might be quite nice though to have a nice, proper University diploma, with lots of fancy words and the abbreviation BA on there somewhere.

We now have a new fence, very nice; new driveway, very nice; and an electrically safe kitchen, even nicer.

We have not had a holiday this year which is a bit of a bummer considering the weather, but continue to make grandiose plans for next year to make up for this.

We are planning on hosting christmas dinners at our house, for the first time. Maybe not such a good idea to be practicing on the mother in law for my first ever turkey, but I figure if she wanted it to be edible, she'd make it herself.

I went to London and saw lots of interesting art shows, we went to a music gig where we were invited to the after party, but sadly had to leave to catch our train before the thing kicked off properly, and have been to several comedy gigs around the area.

Dinners with friends, quick scoot to Iceland and general angst, sturm und drang, and otherwise bitchiness from me on some days and then on other days we're cool and groovy and the life of the party. Eh, what stress can do to you. That's my new excuse for everything and it's going down well so far.

Other Half is still being divine. After seven years as a couple and three years married (so 10 total :-) I find that very impressive and reassuring. He even tells me that all things considered, knowing what he knows now, he'd marry me again. All together now: aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaawwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwww

Wednesday, August 06, 2008

What I did on my Holidays

OK. So this is what we've been up to:

I had my first induction days at college, which were very scary but great fun.

I did some more work in Guildford for the same company I worked for in June as they are so nice and keep hiring me.

I gardened but not enough.

We went on a one day road trip down to Poole and Swanage, which was very nice. There we saw our dream house in a dream location - unfortunately it is slightly (not so as you'd notice) out of our price range as it's £3 950 000. That's four MILLION poundarooneys.

We went to London to see some exhibits for my first school assignment, which I'm currently writing.

I painted the kitchen (overtly olive by dulux) although I am yet to paint the coving and the ceiling white.

We had my baby sister come visit with a friend.
- we took teenagers shopping
- we took teenagers to London, on the Millennium Eye, walking round & shopping
- we took teenagers out for lunch & shopping
- we took teenagers to Thorpe Park (thank bod, no more shopping!)

We went to a friends wedding and had a nice little catch up with friends in the usual sort of weddingy way, meeting people you haven't met since the last wedding.

We hired a landscaper who start work in a week.

We hired an electrician who starts work Monday.

We hired a fencing company (not en garde, it's enclosed garden - spot the difference) which will need to start work in September.

And today we celebrated our third wedding anniversary.

All good stuff. The more time I spend with Other Half, the more I realise just how cool and amazing he actually is, which is nice.

Monday, June 16, 2008

I am a super painting monkey wizard



Doesn't that house look nice and red?

Sunday, May 18, 2008

Some activity

Well. We went to London and saw Nick Cave & The Bad Seeds, which was good. We've seen them before though, and I certainly preferred that set list to this one. But they were suitably loud and noisy and it was a night out and it was great.

I went for a meal out in Windsor, which appears to be a lovely town, pity about the company I kept that night. Meal was good though.

We went to an open night in my new school to be, which was excellent. Some really fantastic pieces and great thought put into the works and their presentation.

We got ambushed at the door by one of the tutors who sussed immediately that I'd signed up. They were all really nice and so enthusiastic - it gave me lots of energy and positivity and reduced some of my fears.

We've done loads of gardening and you can just about see the shape of how it will look. It's not done yet, but I'll get there, maybe even this week, if the weather is good.

And then I'm going to paint the house on the outside. Unemployment, temporary as it may be, may have its uses.

Circles of Isolation

Life can be very odd sometimes.

As an expat, I need to try extra hard to keep in touch with family and friends left behind in the mother country.
My attempts at this have been to call people regularly, maintaining a lame blog, going over there 2-3 times a year, and inviting everyone and their brother to come visit. I try to remember birthdays and special occasions and I send cards and sometimes gifts, call people 'extra' or send them flowers.

On this side of the pond, I have tried to make friends and keep friends as hard as I can. Other half's friends have been co-opted and are now shared as 'our' friends, willy-nilly, no questions asked, no opt in/ out possible. They're stuck with me.

And yet somehow, the people I talk to the most and the people that show the most interest in my life, are my internet friends, people I have never met in the flesh.

Now I have a sneaking suspicion that I am somewhat damaged from my decade long run-in with various bullies, most of which I was aware of and have worked hard to overcome. But now I kind of feel like I can add a new symptom - anti socialness.

On a bad day, I don't like people. I am negative. I have no patience for stupidity. I easily cut people off from me. I have very high standards for people I will tolerate around me.

On a good day, I am charming. I am witty. I am fun. I have energy in public. I am the life and soul of the gathering. I am understanding and a good listener.

So slowly but surely, I am losing people. They don't write, they don't call, they don't visit. They spend 5 minutes on the phone with me, one eye and one ear glued to the TV. They were just about to pop out exactly when I called. And I don't know whether it's me or if it's them.

I feel like I'm bumping into the edge of my existence constantly - it has grown so small as to barely have room for me, let alone anyone else. And I don't really know how to change it.

Wednesday, April 23, 2008

Finally, the truth is out...




You Are 90% Tortured Genius



You totally fit the profile of a tortured genius. You're uniquely brilliant - and completely misunderstood.

Not like you really want anyone to understand you anyway. You're pretty happy being an island.

Wednesday, April 02, 2008

I'm obsessing...

This time it's about the non-completed garden. We asked for garden centre gift vouchers for our wedding from people as we're kind of settled and didn't really need anything for the house or for ourselves.

We've yet to spend more than £20 of the whole thing and the garden is rather a mess.

I have the unfortunate habit of getting seduced by all the lovely colours at the garden centre when I go there and then realise afterwards that I haven't got a clue how to take care of half the stuff as I'm both too foreign and too lazy for proper English gardening.

But I am a project-ist and a finish-ist and I can't stand having an incomplete project anywhere and the garden has been in a 'state' for far too long.

In my defense, it never seemed to stop raining last summer and this one can only be an improvement, thus allowing for some actual work to be done there.

Plus we've just changed to BST so we now have more evening time to do stuff and I'm feeling all springy in my step and so on. Or I would, if I hadn't dislodged my kneecap by running up the stairs on Sunday. Less spring, more limp.

Wednesday, February 27, 2008

I got in

Have been told verbally following on from my interview this morning that I got in - now awaiting formal letter to advise this.

Got called 'accomplished'- beat that!

Bubbly was nice.

Tuesday, February 26, 2008

Big Day Tomorrow

Right, so my interview is tomorrow morning.

I'm oddly calm, but am in a quandary regarding what to wear. Normally it wouldn't be an issue as I'd wear either the black outfit, the black outfit or the black outfit. But I was hoping to show a bit more personality than that tomorrow. Craig doesn't think a dress is appropriate (I have some nice 'worky' dresses that look nice with boots) so I'm leaning towards jeans and something.

Anyway. It's unusual for me to worry about what to wear and not to worry about the interview itself, but I think it's either going to be fine with what I've done so far and my gift of the gab, or I have absolutely no idea what they are after and can in no way give that, in which case I shouldn't really be going there.

For once I think my hardened job interviewee technique is standing me in good stead - it seems to be be nicely counterbalancing my (previously?) normal test anxiety and panic attacks. So maybe I've grown as a person. That or this is really the right thing for me to be doing.

Have also started thinking it might not be the end of the world (if I get it) to stay in current role until school starts. Maybe a bit lazy, but it wouldn't be terrible, in a 'I know where I stand' kind of way.

Weight continues to disappear. Very slowly - at this rate I'll be at my optimum weight in about 3-4 years. But hey, it should be easy to keep it off that way then!

I'll post again tomorrow once I have had time to chill and calm down - I get a bit hyper doing stuff like this.

Saturday, February 16, 2008

Today was a nice day

We went out for a walk around the pond with Sam and he was being terribly amusing as usual.
Saw a 'new breed' of dog, a cute little black 'shorkie'.

We're trying to make the most of today and tomorrow as I'm off to London tomorrow afternoon for a thing and wont be back till late Wednesday.

I spent some of the week arranging my portfolio although I still need to pick up some supplies tomorrow. I did do a clever thing ages ago when I knew when my interview would be and arranged for the days preceding it off. So even if I don't do anything else arty this weekend, I'll still be OK as I'll have 5 days next weekend.

Well, I say OK, of course I mean brick-shitting, stomach-churning panicked. Anyhow, here's a couple of pics.


Saturday, February 09, 2008

Interesting Development

Right, so I've been planning my great escape for a while now, but taking my time, trying not to rush things.

Then finally snapped on Thursday last week and pinned boss down regarding some issues I've been having for the last 9 months with regards to HR and lack thereof. He wussed out as usual and finally admitted he couldn't re-evaluate my role nor give me a raise based on the increased amount of work and responsibility.

My reaction was actually kind of cool, in that for once I didn't stumble for words and haven't been kicking myself afterwards thinking 'I should have said this' or wishing I hadn't broken down into itty bitty little pieces.

So my reaction was to tell him calmly and forcefully that under the circumstances he could fully expect my resignation.

He of course has avoided me since and the one conversation we have had involved him sitting there trying not to look so scared (his lower lip gave it away with the quaking) and telling me (again) that there was nothing he could / would / should do about this and thereby proving, again, that I'm making the right decision by leaving.

So I"m leaving my job. He still thinks it's about the money - it isn't. It's about him lying to me for the last NINE months about this, which in a last drop / final straw kind of way has completely and utterly removed any trust and / or respect that I at one time had for him. I really did have huge, high hopes for him when he started.

So, for those of you who know me from work - surprise!

Monday, February 04, 2008

I'm finally a 'grown up'

Now, I fully realise that this may not be a good thing, but I am now finally a grown up.

Never mind that I've bought a car (and sold and bought and so on)
Never mind that I've bought a house (see above)
Never mind that I've emigrated to a foreign country (you'd be surprised at the difference in my two countries)
Never mind that I've had sex (this shouldn't come as a shock - I am over 30, after all)
Never mind that I've got married (and proposed)
Never mind that I've held down several jobs (sometimes at the same time)

So what is it that I've done that has now officially given me the grown up stamp?

I bought a sewing machine.

Next, it'll be a golf set or an investment portfolio - stay tuned!!!

Thursday, January 24, 2008

Check this out!

One of my favourite newly discovered authors has just put out a new book - check it out!

Now I would happily sub-edit most things as I am as they say, anal. But helping her out wouldn't even be a chore - it would be a treat!

I especially liked the 'Little Goddess' series, and the next one looks great so far. Now just waiting for my copy (with my 'name' in it - yippy)

http://www.iuniverse.com/bookstore/book_detail.asp?isbn=0-595-48417-4


Now, I've also decided that whether I get in to my thing or not, some things are going to change.
More on that later

Wednesday, January 23, 2008

Work / Life balance


Right, so I may be a little more off-line than usual for me these days - the company I work for has installed an internet blocker / spy to prevent blogging, facebooking, yahooing and so on while at work. Now I don't mean to give the impression that all I do at work is surf the 'net, but I used to spend about 30 mins a day (my lunch break, which is invariably spent at my desk) catching up with my life.

So now I"m not catching up with my life as much and this is not making me happy.

My interview is now confirmed for Feb 27th and I'm trying to take the day off and the Monday / Tuesday before as well so that I can be as well prepared as possible for it. Boss and I are 'negotiating' this at the moment. Of course I don't think he realises that he can negotiate the time off or he can negotiate my resignation. Although it's unlikely to come to that...

The preceding week at work wil be week from hell with tradeshows and travel, but I've survived it before and no doubt will again. Must start looking at visas for Saudi Arabia if I'm gonna get those in time though.

A few people have spotted this blog and asked what I"m off to study and the answer is that I'm not ready to tell people that yet. We'll wait and see if I get in first. Fortunately (for me - sod the rest of you nosers) they say they'll let me know within approx 2 weeks of the interview.

So the left over bubbly in the fridge may finally get used - you never know. Mybe I'll open it to celebrate losing 14lbs.

I think Sam may want his own blog. He keeps sitting on my lap when I'm online, nosing the keyboard and seeming very happy.

Tuesday, January 08, 2008

I was waiting for a call, but then I got a letter instead

Well, as the title of the post says, I was waiting for a call, but got a letter regarding my application instead. So far, so good and the people I've spoken to have been really friendly and helpful.

If the entire staff is like this then the ball of anxiety in my stomach will surely go away.

I have some issues with formal education - my experiences weren't great on the whole. The schools I went to were uninterested in the fact that I was being bullied and excluded from things for the entire 10 years I was in (legally required) education. And in college I was too damaged to know how to integrate or make friends and ended up having a bit of a breakdown and going rather people-phobic. I'm still a little anti-social but I am secure in who I am and can cope with my own moodswings better, let alone anyone elses'.

I don't know why I was bullied in the first place, but I feel the fact that it continued for so long can in some ways be attributed to my own actions. I didn't have the rough edges smoothed off by socialising as a child / teenager, and continually behaved like victim, daring people to comment. In a way it is self-perpetuating, I think.

But the gist of this ramble is - the idea of going to school makes me anxious and I'm working on it.

Also, appear to be getting better at capitalising when I'm supposed to, so some success is clearly being had.

In other news, 2007 was an odd year. All year I felt like time was running away from me and that I wasn't doing anything social / constructive / interesting. Then in hindsight, every month I'd realise that actually I'd gone to a gig, out for dinner, met friends and spring cleaned the house. I'm clearly not the best judge of my own activity level. I guess if you're your own worst enemy, at least you know where you stand.

Wednesday, January 02, 2008

I did it!

Well, having thought about it for aaaaaaagggggeeeeeeessssss - I hand delivered my application on Monday.
It's there, it's in. All the bits are filled in and I even had a brainwave in asking my friend Malka to write the reference for me.
I was so worried that I couldn't fill my application in properly, having learned just how much the English like their t's crossed and their i's dotted. In Iceland you can just sort of talk people round to your way - the form isn't the most important thing.
There are some benefits to being from a small country, but now I'm paranoid I've filled the form in properly every time I have to do something - so much so that I obsess about it a little.

Now it's just a question of waiting for the call to come and interview and then we'll see if it will be plan A or plan B.
Plan B isn't a bad one to be honest and I guess in some ways that makes me so ambivalent / not so COMMITTED to plan A.

In other news, we went to Iceland for the holidays and had the most dreadful trip. The flight out was delayed for 2 hrs and then they served apples in bags for the refreshment. Then when I legged it to the galley to wait out the 'fumes' until it was safe for me to return they kept telling me off for not having told them in advance that apples would be an issue for me. I was so angry about this - out of dozens, maybe hundreds of flights I've taken in my life, they've only served apple / fruit bags twice and that was the second time. They seemed to feel that I should just tell people willy-nilly about my allergies on the off chance that it might become an issue.

Then on Christmas Eve around nine, I started having this little tickle in my throat that then by the following day had turned into a full blown flu (and not the suspected / feared pneumonia) requiring antibiotics and drugs like you dream about. I'm still coughing and spluttering but the damned thing is finally on the run and although I won't be running anywhere for a week or so more (who cares, I've lost weight over Christmas anyway) so by the time it'll be a little bit more daylight here, Sam and I will be able to go back out for our runs.

Despite the dreadful time we had in Iceland it was great to get away from work and really getting into that headspace of 'I can leave this job and I can go to school' and it was kind of important for me to feel that. While it won't be easy to suddenly be on one income and to have our standard of living drop somewhat - but it's either going to happen now or it's not going to happen. And putting it in those terms is kind of black and white, do or die, kind of thing.

Oh, and take a look at some of Malka's pictures:

http://www.lomography.com/homesDeLuxe/profile.php?cid=831052

Happy New Year everyone!

Oh and my dad is coming to visit next weekend - yippee